Black coffee - no more sodas!

That's it! I'm puffy today and I cannot take it! I think I am going through full-fledged menopause now, because I keep getting puffy, just like my mother used to complain about. I had thought I was in menopause already, but, now I'm thinking that I just experienced hellatious peri-menopause - because so many different things are going on with me recently. One of those things is the fucking puffy attacks! I'll be going along just fine, exercising a bit, watching what I'm eating, jeans are fitting better, etc and then BLAMMO!!!! PUFF!!! Dammit!!!!

My freaking legs are sore EVERY DAY because I am making myself move around so much, walking with the dog, walking with the kids, and every single time I take Puppy outside, I make sure to go down the stairs to hook him up, instead of lazily hooking him up at the top of the stairs - basically, I am taking every opportunity to take the stairs - and we have two sets of stairs in the house, so that is not hard.

I was getting dressed this morning, though, and I could barely get my jeans on - and embarassment of all embarassments - I was pulling them on with the belt loops - and I broke a belt loop!!! With my unsupportive husband in the damn room! Shit! And a whole bunch of other ugly cusswords, too! It made a little hole in my jeans, too. I know I am having the 'puffy issue', though, because my ankles are puffy!

Once in a while, like once every two weeks, when the kids miss the bus, and I have to take them to school - I stop on the way back and get a vanilla yogurt with nuts. And then we had cake from Easter in the house, too. So hubby says, "it's too much yogurt and cake!" Uh yeah, thanks, but, I don't think yogurt and cake make your ankles swell! UGH!! I love supportive people! And then I was telling Puppy that he has ugly lips, and hubby goes, "Well, you have a weight problem!"

This is so hard because my body is against me, in terms of age, and early menopause brought on by a hysterectomy, and hubby, unknowingly - is against me - with his sucky ass attitude. Funny thing is, he is the one that is so 'against fatness' - but, sometimes I think he is the one keeping me fat! Well, that's a sick dynamic to allow myself to be dragged into, isn't it? Yep. If that is somehow what his subconscious is causing him to do, I certainly do NOT have to give into it. No way.

I have to separate myself and especially my weight loss - from him and his crap. Or I will be stuck overweight forever.

This sucks, I'm so disappointed today, and I just needed some support, not crap!

I have decided to switch from sugar in my coffee and Sprite - to black coffee and Crystal Light. I'm a little bit afraid that this is kind of a step backwards, since my big thing was getting off of the artificial sweeteners, but, I'm just going to try it for a while and see what happens.

This is so hard.

Blog neglect

Yes, I have neglected this blog, but, I have tried to stay on track as possible with my daily list.

I haven't succeeded completely - on any of the days since the last success, but, I have gotten close.

And I have had my journey in mind every day.

I had two deaths in the family - unbelievably, on the same day. It was really awful. I traveled back to Texas for the funerals, and I am just trying to get back in the thick of things.

The whole experience really threw me for a loop. They were two of my aunts - I am doing okay, but, I really worry about all of my cousins. I can't imagine losing your mother so early in life - my cousins are all in their 20's and early 30's. So not fair.

Anyway - I'm here now, and I will do my best to stay on top of things.

One thing for sure that I did not let go of during this time was talking to God. I mean, of course, I stayed sober, but, directly after that - talking to God was of utmost importance through this difficult time.