Thursday, April 26, 2007

Finding my way

It is so odd to me, but, either, as I age ...or as I grow older in recovery, I am finding myself being drawn back towards Catholicism. I really thought I had completely walked away from that part of my life. I mean, I still have my own parts of it that I cherish. My prayer booklets, my devotional cards, my Catholic bible, my rosaries, my memories with my grandmothers (which are so deeply intertwined with the church) - but, I really thought that was the whole of it. I never really thought I would be drawn back to it any more than that. But I find that I am being slowly drawn back in - bit by bit. I don't know that I will ever be a full-fledged practicing Catholic again, but, I am not fighting the urges for closeness to certain things Catholic - like downloading Rosary software (to be used to walk you through saying your rosary), and watching EWTN every now and then, and almost going to Mass last Sunday at the adorable little church right up the street from my house. (No, I didn't go - had a spat with hubby and was too sad to go anywhere.) But I still want to. And I won't fight that. I realize that I might get there and get too sad, missing my grandmothers and need to leave - or something like that, but, I'll deal with that then if it happens. I'm just trying to stay open about it.

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